Tuesday, February 07, 2006

"I can drive, it's just that my skills aren't recognised by the state."

As you may have heard by way of grapevine and comment box, I had another go at the driving test on Tuesday and failed.

To my disgrace, this is the third time I've failed it. When do you ever hear someone say it took them four
attempts to pass their driving test? Never. Not unless it's a cheap BBC docusoap about some dumb menopausal rageaholic nutbag who can't get her Skoda out of the driveway.

This attempt was even worse than the second - On the second I failed with just two minors and one major, this time it was 7 minors and two majors! He was ticking that error sheet so much he got through five biros. My driving is actually getting worse.

My driving instructor pretends to be frustrated, but he's
getting a few more lessons out of me isn't he? He's loving it really. It's got to the point where we've not got anything to do now, I drive around for a while and he chats on his mobile, reads a book, does his taxes... Every once in a while he'll look up and say 'Do a reverse park' or 'How do you check your tyre pressures?' or 'Pull in here, I need to get some courgettes.' but he doesn't wait to see if I've got it right.

On the plus side, I'm getting very good at reacting to these failures, this time there wasn't any anger or self-pity. Just mild irritation. When you've failed as many times as I have, you get bloody good at it. At the end of the test I asked "How did i do?" and the examiner replied: "The usual... see you again soon will we?" and got out of the car to join all the other examiners in waving me off.

I've booked another for early March, which, at my current rate of decline, should see me side-swiping old ladies, ploughing though school playgrounds and finally flipping the car upside-down into the test centre.
I wonder if they have a box to tick for that...


At 4:26 pm, Blogger Just Jane said...

I really thought I had passed my test at the second attempt. I was sat in the car, composing my thank you speech in my head,and he said 'You've failed.'

My thank you speech was not required.

At 4:44 pm, Blogger The Blind-Winger Jones said...

My driving instructor had a nervous breakdown shortly before he intended putting me in for my test (seriously). On our final lesson I turned left when he'd asked me to turn right, and rather than just correcting me, he completely lost it. I managed to pull the car over and get out with my life intact ! I've never sat behind a wheel since and that was about 14 years ago. He's dead now. I didn't kill him (at least that's what I told the nice Detective.)

At 2:41 am, Anonymous Jamie said...

Hopped over here from JonnyB's.

Haven't you lot ever considered simply bribing the instructor? Works like a charm. Look at me, passed mine on the first go. *Preens* And I've only killed two cats and one tree in the 2½ years I've been driving.


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